Dark Shadows Episode 13

 (As ever, you can watch todays ep here)   

Episode 13! Unlucky for some! When last we left Collinwood, Roger was about to enter the drawing room for his long awaited confrontation with Burke Devlin, the man who went to prison for something he didn't do, apparently, and all because of Roger. What crazy shit will go down, when they come together again for the first time in years?

Assuming we see the meeting. It'd be just like this show if we don't see either of them for the entire episode.

 Let's find out.  But first, a dramatic voice-over from the delectable Vicky W:

My name is Victoria Winters. From the moment I arrived at Collinwood I'd been surrounded by tension; and now the band has grown tighter, until the great dark house seems alive with ghosts of a past I never knew. Ghosts that draw tight fingers around the present.

Look, I'm just gonna say it. Vicky W needs to lighten the f*ck up.

We're straight into the drawing room; Yes!;  and while Burke of the Chin is all friendly and shit Roger is having none of it.

Shake your hand? I'd rather dry hump a cactus.

Lady of the Manor Elizabeth wants Roger to hear Burke out, because she, apparently, believes his story that he's on a flying visit on the way to Venezuela, as opposed to a permanent residency intent on enacting some kind of demented blood vendetta. Roger isn't as easily fooled as his sis, but he does agree to listen to Burke's story; although not before pouring himself a hell of a stiff drink, because in the 60's it was illegal to do anything after 2pm if you didn't have a whiskey.

Anyway, talk soon rolls around to the guy who died ten years ago and Burke's little visit to the slammer. Roger insists that Burke was guilty and Burkes face does this

and then changes to this

in about 2 seconds flat. That's some shit hot 'my jovial mask has slipped but I am aware and will immediately correct myself because I am a top psycho villain and no mistake' acting from old Burke there. His years as a member of the Dick Dastardly Chorus haven't been forgotten.

Roger gives it some more big licks, demanding answers from Burke about all sorts of shit and refusing to back down about the testimony he gave at Burke's trial. He was a quivering wreck at the end of last week, so that whiskey is obviously doing it's job. If only he weren't such a smug bastard about it, this new found bravery might even be endearing.

The rest of the conversation is all Roger making accusations and Burke having an answer for everything. I'm not sure Roger is convinced, but he's no proof, so he just has another sip of whiskey. There, there Roger, that'll make it all better.

To some really creaky outside film footage of Vicky W walking around the grounds. Which reminds me, wasn't she meant to be off to see creepy caretaker JimmyMitchellMathew? That was a couple of episodes ago, I'd forgotten about it completely! Is this that? Let's see...

It is! *Well chuffed look on his face*. Hashtag, GoodAtSoaps. Someone in the location department needs to look up 'cottage' in the Big Boys Book of Buildings though.

That's not a bloody cottage

Anyway, the door is slightly ajar so she makes her way inside. I'd have thought twice about that if I was her, what with him being a creepy and mysterious man well prone to having a suspicious mind and a violent temper; she's just handing him a 'Stand Your Ground' defence on a plate.

Shit, he's behind her! Run, Vicky W, run! Oh, no, it's all right, he's just gonna have a rant about needing his supper. That's OK then. He lets her sit down and ask her questions. But I hear the ad break music creeping into the score (oh God, I'm recognising music cues, kill me now), so we'll probably have to wait...

No, it's fine, we fade back from the ad break and MauriceJohnMathew is eating his supper, with disturbing relish I might add, while answering her questions with questions which is just rude! Seriously though, he really is unwilling to say anything without the Lady of the Manors permission. She's got him well whipped!


After the least convincing lie ever from Vicky W about whether the boss lady knows she's asking, the old dude finally gives up some answers. Vague answers, but anything's an improvement. He does get a wee bit on edge (more than usual) when she mentions being raised in an orphanage, so I'm calling it right now, HE'S HER DAD! (Maybe)

Papa? Vicky? 

Burke is still up at the main house while all this is going on, and he's still trying to convince Roger that he's a good guy. Roger gets Elizabeth out of the room (finally, after several not very subtle hints) and lays it out straight for Burke. He knows Burke for the petty, vindictive, grudge bearer that he is and...

ROGER: Let me tell you something Burke. If you try to do anything to me, to my family, to any of us, those 5 years you spent in prison will seem like the best time you ever had.

Go on Son! Of course the moment is ruined slightly by the fact that Burke just laughs in his face but you know, he tried.

Things take a darker turn after that when Burke decides he's had enough of Rogers posturing and goes on the offensive by asking how Rogers wife is, and reminding him that he and she used to be 'very friendly'. Then we get the tidbit that Roger and his wife got married the day after Burke got sent down, as a 'celebration'. I'm hearing this and I can't help but think that this show started 10 years too late; it sounds like a much better show!

After a brief lay-over with Vicky W and ThomasBenedictMathew; where we learn that he makes a very tasty muffin and that Roger moved away from Collinsport as soon as he was married, and only came back about a month before the show began, which was 'the worst thing that ever happened to this house' according to the, rather more opinionated than his status should allow, caretaker; we're back with Roger and Burke, who are discussing...why Roger came back after his years away. There's a coincidence.

It's just a segue though, because soon they're on to new matters. First Burke plants the idea that he might be wanting to buy either the house or the business from Elizabeth, and cuts Roger off when he tries to insist that she would never sell. Then he invites Roger down to the local bar, to discuss a little business matter. Intriguing...

Once Burke leaves, insisting that he'll see Roger later, we're back with Vicky W and her now seemingly very friendly host. They're even doing the washing up together, like some sort of old married couple were the man is old and the woman is a foxy young trophy wife.

He's regaling her with the tale of how he once almost died, and again we get mention of the dangerous road down off the cliff. They keep bringing that up, so it must be important, but if it's foreshadowing it's bloody long range, because no-one ever seems to have any trouble. Maybe in episode 100 we'll see a crash.

Alas, the domestic bliss doesn't last long because a phone call from the big house alerts him to the fact that she lied about having permission to talk to him and he's back to being creepy anger management dude. Much finger wagging later and he throws her out on her ear. Poor Vicky W.

Bad Possibly Daughter!

In another bit of grainy outdoor filming; they're really pushing the boat out on this episode; we see her leaving his 'cottage' and spotting  a mysterious bit of movement in the shadows. Rather than running and hiding like I would do, she investigates...

It's Burke of the Chin! He's 'just admiring Rogers car' with a spanner in his hand. Whatever could that mean? I'm sure I can't guess.

It's OK, though, because he found it on the seat whilst having a look around. Well, I'm relieved.

Back at the house, Roger and Elizabeth discuss whether they believe Burke; upshot, they want to, but don't dare to; and then Roger decides he probably has to go to Burkes business invitation. Down the dangerous roads. In the car Burke has been admiring. Yeah.

Then Vicky W comes in and gets a stern lecture from Elizabeth about how Mathew is very loyal to her and if he thinks problems are being created for her he can get very violent. So think on, Vicky W! Think on!

Before the conversation ends, Vicky W asks Elizabeth whether Roger is planning to use his car that night. When told that yes, he might be, she ponders this news for a moment and then...

She goes to bed!

Oh Vicky W, are you so naive? Or are you simply an emotionless sociopath with no care for your employers imminent fiery death plunge? I suppose we'll find out in the next episode, won't we?

Join me then, oh loyal readers (if there are any *passive aggressive whiny aside*), for the answers to this and many other burning questions. I hope you're looking forward to it as much as I am.