Dark Shadows Episode 9

In the last episode Vicky did some digging and discovered she was being lied to  by her employer, confronted her employer, and was talked around by her employer. Also Joe proposed to Caroline, who may or may not have said yes; the scene lasted so long and went round in circles so much I'm not sure how it resolved.

And that's pretty much it. Not much I know, but this is a show that believes in taking it's time. So join me now as we enter Collinwood House once more, with Dark Shadows episode 9.

As tradition dictates, we begin with a voiceover from Vicky W:

My name is Victoria Winters. In the short time I've been here, Collinwood has made me a part of it's strangeness; a strangeness that seems to reach out and touch everyone, and everything, that lives within it's walls. For the past can be a prison; not only for me, but for others; for all those driven by fears of the future.

Truer words...

Anyway, after a brief scene of a dude called Bill Malloy (who I seem to recall being mentioned in passing as working for the Collins family at their shipping business) trying to get in touch with Burke Devlin (he of the chin) at his hotel, but being rebuffed, we're back on up to Collinwood. The lady of the manor is clearing away the tea things when the doorbell rings and it's... Bill Malloy! Dude moves fast.

There's some talk of sardine prices before Floozy Daughter Caroline comes in to remind us of the Vicky storyline, which manages to derail any chance the conversation might have had of giving us some juicy gossip about Burke of the Chin (who's very good looking, according to Floozy Daughter), because Bill goes off on one about how she needs to be married off and out of the house. What's it to him? Getting above his station if you ask me.

"Liz, things are gonna start happening in this house. And that girl is going to see dreams...ghosts...that she never even knew existed!"

God I hope so.

Anyway, the lady of the manor; I'm getting tired of typing that, her name's Elizabeth; and Bill forge a pact to stop Burke in whatever he's doing before he stirs up any ghosts (and incidentally, I reckon Bill is totally trying to get in Elizabeth's knickers).

While all this is going on, Vicky W is upstairs writing a letter, because she's forgotten that phones exist again, when she's interrupted by Caroline, who seems to spend all her time wandering around looking for people to interrupt. She tells Vicky W all about how high the cliffs are, and how many people have killed themselves by jumping off them, and also the fact that most of them had had Vicky W's job. Because Caroline is a morbid cow.

Down there, see? That's where you'll die, see? Do you see?

She's not just there to put the shits up Vicky W though; oh no, she's also looking to have a bit of a complain about how she hates her life at Collinwood but isn't brave enough to get out, like when Joe asked her to marry him and she said no (ah, so she said no). Conversation then turns to Burke of the Chin, and how Vicky W had just had coffee with him...

Caroline: Oh, you did? Well tell me about him. What's he really like?

Viewers lean in, this is it, talk of Burke...

And we cut back to Bill and Elizabeth. This show is determined to tell us nothing of him for as long as possible, isn't it?

But wait, they're talking about Burke! At last! Bill thinks Burke has come back because he intends to somehow seize control of all the Collins businesses. Bill seems like a smart dude. But before we get any more of his wisdom there;s a banging at the door. WHOEVER COULD IT BE?

Well we have to wait until after the act break to find out, and when we do it's... no-one! There's no-one there! What devilry is this?

Well, Elizabeth thinks she knows what's up. She blames Devil Child David. Whether she's right or not, we'll just have to wait and see. The scare has given her an epiphany though; she's not going to live in fear. Until she knows exactly what Burke is up to, she's not going to worry about him. It's actually a fairly healthy attitude, considering he hasn't actually done anything all that villainous. Of course, it'll probably end with her being garroted or something, but on the surface, healthy.

Then we're back to Vicky and Caroline squealing over Burke; and a rather odd conversation, by today's standards, in which Caroline gets all excited at the idea that Burke likes to discipline women, because that's what you want in a man old enough to be your Dad; before quickly heading back down to Bill and Elizabeth.

 The two of them have moved on from discussing Burke and are back to trying to figure out how to get Caroline out of the house. They aren't going to marry her off anymore; oh no, now they have a better plan! They'll send her out of town! Bill arranges for her to join a friend of his on their holiday, under the guise of being someone to keep their daughter company. I like Bill; he gets shit done.

 Caroline is off into town to post Vickie's letter for her/flirt with woman slapper Burke when she finds out their plan, and she isn't happy. She sees right through the feeble justifications and knows exactly why they want her gone. She's not as dumb as she looks/acts/blatantly is when the story doesn't require different. Seems that she's not going on holiday after all. Ah well, nice try Bill.

Silly Bill. What are you like?

After that we just get a brief scene of Caroline arriving at the hotel and phoning Burke to ask if she can come up to see him in his room. Floozy Daughter is Floozing again. One last cheesy grin from her, and roll credits.

So that was episode 9. Once again, only 4 cast members and 3 sets used; this show really knows how to keep things simple. When you get right down to it, the plot barely moved an inch and what forward momentum we did get was in the last 30 seconds, with Caroline making her move on Burke. Still, no-one ever said this was fast paced.

Join us next time for episode 10, to find out the roots of Devil Child David's knocky nine doors fetish, why Vicky W has selective memory loss when it comes to communication aids, and whether or not Burke of the Chin is going to give Floozy Daughter Caroline the spanking she obviously craves. Maybe.

Until then, watch out for ghosts.

Dark Shadows Episode 7

Hello, and welcome to Episode 7 of Dark Shadows! Are you excited? Of course you are, you don't need to tell me.

So what will we see this episode? Will Floozy Daughter Caroline continue on her trek into mysteriousness, or was that just a result of her misjudging a line reading? How many people will tell Vicky W to turn around and go home? And will we ever find out why everyone is in such a tizz over the return of Burke Devlin of the Dastardly Chorus? For that matter, will we even see Burke Devlin of the Dastardly Chorus? Let's find out...

We begin, as ever, with one of Vicky W's ominous voice-overs:

My name is Victoria Winters. The dead past drifts through the corridors of Collinwood, and settles like dust in it's corners. Spurred by hope and surrounded by fear, my search continues, as life itself continues; not only for me, but for everyone else in this strange corner of the world: people who live with their own fear, their own hopes.

We open on Sam Evans, last seen harassing Vicky W on a clifftop. He mumbles some cod philosophical mutterings about time and having his hours stolen, because his watch has stopped you see, before being interrupted by Creepy Uncle Roger, who's broken in to Sam's house to wait for him. He wants a chat, but what about? You'll have to wait to find out, because that's the teaser done, and it's time for some spooky music.

We're back. Sam's still in a philosophical mood and Roger is having none of it, he's straight to business. It seems Roger and Sam have a history with Burke Devlin, a history that goes back 10 years to before Devlins training with the Dastardly Chorus. But what could that history be? Whatever it is, neither of them are happy that he's back. Although Sam seems quite amused at how upset this is making Roger. Bad blood there, I think.

In the end, Roger decides he can handle Burke Devlin of the Dastardly Chorus if he comes at him direct, but not if he goes at Sam. And as for Sam...well, the man seems to speak entirely in riddles.

"You don't have to be afraid of any of my actions. I am what I have become. I'll do nothing".

You are what you have become have you old son? I see. And how many hours did it take you to become what you've become? Was it a lot of hours? Did someone steal any of those hours, thus putting you behind schedule in the becoming what you were due to become stakes?


Next we head to the cafe where Line Fluffing Waitress is serving Burke Devlin of the Dastardly... you know what, let's just call him Burke of the Chin.

LFW is being flirtatious with Burke of the Chin, doing the old 'you must remember me' routine, despite the fact that she must have been about 7 when he left town. If only Floozy Daughter didn't have that title sewn up... never mind LFW, your day will come.

Flirtations, and not very subtle hints about a trial, are interrupted by the arrival of Vicky W. It seems that the 'kerbs that creep up on you' that she was warned about last episode gave her a free pass this time; maybe I'll get my flaming car wreck when she drives home. Turns out Vicky W's  big mysterious purpose for coming into town was to...make a phone call. Yeah, dramatic shit be going down in Collinsport tonight!

After an exchange that would seem to reveal Burke of the Chin's motive for coming to town; he wants to take Collinwood!!! Maybe; he sneaks off to eavesdrop on and/or chat to Vicky W. We'll find out which in due course.

Then it's back to Sam's house. Roger is still there and the conversation has moved on a touch, because now they're arguing. Roger looks ripe to cut a bitch, now that he knows Sam was snooping around up at the big house. You know, back in episode whatever it was...4 I think. Can you believe we're still less than 24 hours in, in story time? Anyway, Sam isn't supposed to be up at the house, and he certainly shouldn't have been talking to Vicky W! Roger be maaaaad!

Roger phones Collinwood to check with Vicky W. about Sam's version of events, vis a vis their encounter. She isn't there though, is she? No, because she's in the cafe, making a phone call and being stalked by Burke of the Chin. Roger doesn't know that though, and upon learning of her absence from the house he heads out to find her 'before she finds Burke Devlin.' Best get a shuffle on dude.

Shit! Too late! Vicky W. can't get through to whoever she's trying to call, and immediately upon leaving the phone booth she's accosted by Burke of the Chin. I told you to hurry up Roger! What are you like?

Halfway point of the episode, here. Let's review. Floozy Daughter hasn't appeared, and no-one has told Vicky W. to go home. So far the only thing on my wishlist to actually look like coming true is that we're getting some revelations about Burke of the Chin. One out of three aint bad. Back to it...

When we fade back in, Vicky W is having a bit of a sit down and a nice cuppa with Burke of the Chin. He's grilling her about her reasons for coming to Collinsport, and she allows him to for much longer than I would. He's being flirtatious and charming and only fluffing his line very occasionally which is probably a nice change for her, so that could explain it. In the end though, she's had enough and is out of there...until she isn't, because he promises to change the subject. Which he doesn't, so I'm not entirely sure why she doesn't headbutt him and leave. She's perhaps of better breeding than me.

Meanwhile, Roger has arrived! He's out in the lobby; did I mention the cafe is in a hotel? I'm sure I did. Anyway, Roger is in the lobby and LFW is there too. He asks after Vicky W and LFW points him in the right direction but when he learns from LFW that Burke of the Chin is also there he does a runner. Roger you coward! You weren't this shy about throwing your weight around with poor Sam!

It's worth pointing out that LFW seems to have a very meaningful look on her face after seeing him scared off.

Oh, and she's Sam's daughter too. I would have mentioned that sooner but...well...I only just clicked, all right? Even though I now realise that they have made numerous references to it. Shut up.

Back to Vicky W and she's suddenly having the time of her life with Burke of the Chin. She's a changeable one, that's for sure. He's telling of his childhood belief that Collinwood was haunted. How absurd!

Then she's off to see about making that phone call, Burke is intrigued to hear that Roger wouldn't see him, and LFW is making references to Sam's drinking, which piques Burke's curiosity. And they're all playing another round of musical locations.

Sam's house now, and sure enough, he's pouring a drink. And talking to himself. In riddles. Apparently, right, he doesn't really exist. Who knew? Anyway, he gets a phone call from LFW to tell him Burke of the Chin is coming over, and just as he starts to panic...Burke of the Chin is there! Striding into the house like he owns the place. And seeming very keen to... shake Sam's hand. The swine!

It's an odd scene this. Sam is crapping his pants, which confuses Burke of the Chin  who seems genuinely to just want to say hello to his old friend. Could it be that whatever part Sam played, in whatever dark thing that happened to Burke in the dim and distant past, Burke is unaware of it. Is he there for revenge on Roger, and Roger alone? Is he even there for revenge at all? Perhaps this whole storyline is one big red herring. Who can tell? Sam ushers Burke out of his house, and that's the end of that.

I honestly thought that that would be the end of the episode, judging by the time on the clock, but no! There's more! Vicky W is still waiting for that phone call to go through. Woman has the patience of a saint; if she was around today O2 would love her. Anyway, she finally gets through to the care home; so that's who she was calling and asks to be put through to a Miss Hopewell. 'And tell her it's important! It's very important!'

And that's the end of the episode.

So what have we learned? We've learned that Burke of the Chin is interested in taking over Collinwood. Maybe. We've learned that whatever drove Burke to leave ten years ago was something to do with a trial. And we've learned that both Roger and Sam were involved, although it's possible that Burke doesn't know about Sam.

Also, Vicky W will wait forever to make a phone call, so long as there is a charming, if slightly sinister, older man to flirt with. Maybe she just likes chins?

I hope you enjoyed episode 7 of Dark Shadows. Join me next week when I watch...hang on...I know this...episode 8 of Dark Shadows. That's it.

Oh, and as a new feature, here is this weeks episode, in it's entirety. Just in case you want to watch with me. Go on, give it a try. (Linked from Jackie Wilson's youtube channel)

Dark Shadows Episode 6

We're back, with Episode 6 of Dark Shadows. Will Floozy Daughter Caroline fulfill her long held desire to copulate with her uncle? Will Devil Child David explain the spooky drivel he's been spouting? And just what is Burke Devlin of the Dastardly Chorus really up to in Collinsport? These, and many other questions, might be answered here today. Or, more likely, won't be; it's only episode 6 for God's sake! Have some patience!

Episode 6 opens, as they all do, with a melodramatic voice over by Vicky W. Feast your eyes on this little beauty.

The top of Widow's Hill is a strange and lonely place, and the great hulk of Collinwood sits like a sleeping monster on it's crest.

I know I should leave, and yet I can't; not as long as I feel the answers I've been looking for might be here. Here in the darkness, and the dust of hidden years, surrounded by the ghosts of the past and the fears of the present, I've decided to search, and hope, and wait.

Go on love, you could send that in to Penthouse.

Anyway, to the episode.

Devil Child David has gone walkabout and Vicky W, perhaps working on the understandable assumption that losing her charge on her first day on the job might not go down too well; especially since most everyone already wants her to turn around and go home; is searching the house for him. Being a bit of a proto hipster, she's doing it bottom to top, rather than top to bottom. To the cellar!

Check out the framing of this shot

She's not having much luck, although it has to be said that her searching skills leave a little bit to be desired. She finds a locked door and bangs on it for a bit, yelling at Devil Child David to show himself, but there's no reply. Suddenly, a noise! Spinning around, she finds herself face to face with a spooky dude blocking the stairs. Shit, Vicky love, you're in trouble now! And there ends the teaser.

Or it would, if daytime soaps had decent editing tech in the 60's. Or, it seems, the ability to edit at all. Instead we get her reaction, and then wait another 20 seconds as he comes down the stairs with a faintly menacing expression on his face, at a pace a geriatric snail with particularly bad arthritis wouldn't struggle to outrun. Only once every single drop of tension has been sapped, is the teaser allowed to actually end.

When we come back, Creepy Dude takes a moment out from menacing Vicky W to check that the locked door is still locked; so that's obviously not an important plot point at all; but he's soon back to questioning her in a way that's a little bit genius. In as much as he jumps his cue several times, talking over her lines to the obvious frustration of the actress. Get used to that love, I've a feeling line fluffing is gonna be a theme.

His menacing is just starting to get physical when he's interrupted by the arrival of Elizabeth Stoddart, lady of the manor. Vicky W is relieved, running to her for protection from 'this crazy man' but wait... Elizabeth knows him! Creepy Dude's name is Mathew. I prefer Creepy Dude, to be honest.

Mathew is quick to tattle on Vicky W about trying to get into the Super Secret Room, and is none too pleased to learn that she's to be living and working in the house. Lighten up, Creepy Dude, you won't make many friends with that attitude mate. Elizabeth soon puts him in his place though; talking back to the Lady of the Manor gets you nowhere in this life. Best know yo damn role, Creepy Dude.

After a stern telling off for Vicky W about being where she shouldn't be, she too is sent packing back upstairs, with an assurance that Devil Child David would never come into the cellar. Once she's alone, Elizabeth decides to check out the Super Secret Room. Could we be going to see inside already? Nope, she hears a sound and gets distracted. What could it be? Why, it's Devil Child David hiding in a packing crate! Never come down here indeed! Silly Lady of the Manor!

From the fade out and back in, I assume the discovery of Devil Child David was an act break. If it was, they had different ideas about what constituted an exciting cliffhanger moment back then.

Anyway, Devil Child David is convinced Elizabeth is going to hit him, because 'that's what my Father would do', lending yet more credence to Floozy Daughter Caroline's assertions as to what a nice man he is. Elizabeth reassures him that that kind of thing won't happen in her house, thank you very much, whether your Father is my Brother or not. DCD seems unconvinced. He lets it go though, because he has far more important things on his mind; like getting Vicky W fired. Elizabeth is having none of that either though. Better luck next time, DCD.

Upstairs, Vicky W is having another confrontation with Creepy Dude. She tries to make friends but he just wants to clean the fireplace.

Creepy Dude be creepy

Man's got a work ethic, love, just let him be about his business. It's not to be though, and her feminine wiles eventually get him to open up about his fondness for the Lady of the Manor, due to all the times she's been good to him over the years. Perhaps she isn't so bad after all?

Oh, what's that you say? She sacked an entire household staff for no reason on a whim one day? Right.

Creepy Dude doesn't seem quite so creepy anymore after this scene, which is a shame as I quite like typing Creepy Dude. Oh well, Mathew it is. Before he leaves, he does warn Vicky W about minding her own business around the house. It's no 'turn around and go home', but he's trying to get into the spirit at least.

And that's act II done. Are you as thrilled as I am?

When we come back the Lady of the Manor is still in the basement with DCD. She's trying to give him a book to read. It's an x-box he's angling for, does she know nothing about child psychology? In the course of giving over the book, she produces the absolute mother of fluffs:

'I have a whole crate of them. I'll have MartinMarkMathew take them up to your room.'

He's just been extolling your virtues woman, and you need three goes to get his name right! He'd be gutted if he knew. Poor LucasBenedictMathew :(

Devil Child David

Of course once DCD learns that the books once belonged to his Dad he wants nothing to do with them and the whining begins again.There's some interesting stuff in here though. We learn that his Father has told him, in as many words, that he hates him; Floozy Daughter Caroline really is a hell of a judge of character; and that his mother can't come home because she's 'not well'. Hmm, future appearance by escaped mental patient? Something to look forward to there.

Work that flooze, Floozy Daughter

Back upstairs; talk about economy, this entire episode seems to be taking place in 2 rooms; and Floozy Daughter Caroline is making an appearance.She's hassling Vicky W to ask questions about her past and how she might be connected to the Collins family. She rushes off once the Lady of the Manor shows up, to take a phone call from Main Squeeze and then head into town, to flooze the night away no doubt, leaving Vicky and her nibs to have a chat.

After yet another fade out; because you can never squeeze too many ads into a 20 minute show; we see a tense confrontation between Vicky W and the Lady of the Manor. Vicky is throwing around all sorts of veiled, and not so veiled, insinuations about the Collins family and her own past as an abandoned baby. She's giving it big licks, but the Lady doesn't seem to want to bite. Is she really as oblivious as she claims? Or is the actress drunk? Who can tell?

Some of my favourite porn scenes start exactly like this

Things get pretty heated; at one point the Lady even comes close to unclasping her hands from behind her back; but in the end Vicky W backs down. Oh Vicky, you were so close!

Following the anti climactic interrogation Vicky W decides to head into town, for whatever reason, I don't know, she just does ok. She borrows the car from Floozy Daughter Caroline, whose own trip into town has been postponed, due to Main Squeeze having announced that he was coming up to the house to speak to her and the Lady of the Manor. I can only assume he wants a little Mother/Daughter 3-way action.

Caroline warns Vicky W to 'watch out for the kerbs on the way down, they sneak up on you.' That's not an ominous comment at all. Once Vicky leaves, Caroline announces to her Mother that 'one of our old ghosts is starting to rattle around a bit.' Ooh, very meaningful there Floozy Daughter, but you can't really carry it off. You should leave that shit to the professionals, Creepy LucasMarioMathew would have nailed it.

And that's the end of that episode. Floozy Daughter didn't get to shag her creepy Uncle, DCD didn't explain any of his crazy nonsense about The Widows and Burke Devlin of the Dastardly Chorus didn't even show up at all. I can see this show is gonna demand patience.

Dark Shadows Episodes 1-5

The decision to start this blog came after I had been watching Dark Shadows for about a week. I had to decide whether to go back and re-watch, in order to write posts for the 5 episodes I'd already watched. In the end I figured that that would be no fun for me, and isn't that the main thing, after all?

As it turns out though, the first 5 episodes of Dark Shadows actually lend themselves very well to being lumped together as one. In fact, in terms of content they would work very well as a 'pilot'; with a few nips and tucks and adjustments for pace of course. I'm pretty sure you could re-cut these 5 eps into a tight little hour. Anyway, here's the story so far from episodes 1-5 of Dark Shadows.

 Victoria Winters; special skills, expository voice overs; arrives in tiny township Collinsport to take up a position as a nanny for a local power family. Arriving on the same train is wonderfully monikered Burke Devlin, fresh from a summer stint with the Dick Dastardly Chorus, and all set to bring down some shit on the local power fam... oh, do you see what they did there?

After a brief flashback to her old digs in New York, where we learn that Vicky W is an orphan who has been receiving mysterious cash gifts from someone in the same part of the country as this job offer she never applied for, we see her make her way, veeeeerry slowly, to Collinwood, home of the Collins family.

Along the way she has an encounter with the local inn keeper, who tells her she should turn around and go home, and the waitress in the cafe; special skills, not being able to say her lines properly; who tells her that she should turn around and go home. She also chats to Devlin for a little while. He tells her she should turn around and go home.

Girl can't take a hint though, and eventually she reaches Collinwood. Here she's greeted by Elizabeth, lady of the manner; special skills, smashing cafe waitress ladies into the ground like blonde tent pegs in not being able to say your lines properly competitions. But this is not our first encounter, as the audience, with Elizabeth. Oh no.

Elizabeth and Roger. Devil Child David not pictured.

Earlier, while Vicky W was making her interminable way up the fog shrouded roads to the castle on the cliff, we saw Elizabeth meeting with her brother, Roger. Roger isn't happy that Elizabeth has hired Vicky W to look after his son. He thinks she should turn around and go home. Also in this meeting, we learn that Roger considers his son, whom Vicky W will be looking after, to be the devil. All right mate, calm down, so he runs in the corridor and likes to look at your 'special' mags that you hide behind the wardrobe; its not the end of the world.

Anyway, Vicky W meets Elizabeth's daughter; special skills, dancing really badly to generic jaunty music in rubbish bar sets; who tells her that if she has any sense she'll turn around and go home. But wait, plot twist! She thinks she should leave, but doesn't actually want her to, because she wants a friend her own age. She's lonely, is all, the poor dear. Of course the other time we see her she's partying like a good 'un at aforementioned bar with about 30 equally rubbish dancers of her own age so...

It's in this bar that we meet Burke Devlin of the Dastardly Chorus again and he's having a secret meeting with a private investigator he sent up ahead of time to get the lay of the land. This guy is very thorough, and has detailed psychological profiles on every character we've met so far and more besides. He's either done some incredible Sherlock Holmes style deductive shit, or he's nicked the series bible from the production office. Either way, it's clear that Burke Devlin of the Dastardly Chorus is up to no good, but we know not what that is at this stage.

While we're in the bar we see Elizabeth's daughter having a wee bit of a provocative dance/bizarre fit, with a boy that's not her main squeeze. Then another one! The utter floozy! Of course this rubs up Main Squeeze the wrong way and a fight almost breaks out, but Burke Devlin of the Dastardly Chorus puts a stop to it and has a sneaky word with Main Squeeze. Could an alliance be forming there? Watch this space.

Back up at Collinwood, Vicky W is interrogated by Roger, who has learned that Burke Devlin of the Dastardly Chorus is back in town. Back in town? Oh yes, there's a history here, to be sure. But what? We don't know, but whatever it is it has Roger in a tizz. After talking to Vicky W like shit for a bit, then apologising, he runs off to do some digging. Whatever Devlin is up to, he's sure it's going to be bad news for him.

We get another weird little conversation with Floozy Daughter and Vicky W, wherein FD tells Vicky W that Uncle Roger is awfully nice once you get to know him, and oh, isn't he so handsome? Er... FD then has a bit of a rant about how Elizabeth wants her to marry Main Squeeze, but 'how could anyone be expected to marry such a dull boy when handsome and charming Uncle Roger is around?' Yeeeaaaahhh. Ok.

After 4 episodes Vicky W finally gets to go to bed, or so she thinks. First she has to deal with a run in with Devil Child David, and a creepier little shit you've never seen in your life, so fair play to the casting agent there. He menaces her a bit and she decides to, wait for it, turn around and go home.

Next morning, Floozy Daughter, who I suppose we can call Caroline, for that's her name, attempts to talk Vicky W into staying. Having none of it, our intrepid heroine heads off for a walk along the cliff, where she meets a weird stranger called Sam, who talks in portentous riddles and, you'll never guess, tells her to turn around and go home. I SHIT YOU NOT.

Whilst Vicky W is off for her walk, Devil Child David trashes her room and when she returns to catch him in the act he tears up her only memento of her childhood. The little sod! Then he says something a wee bit odd.

"The widows told me to make you leave"

Oh really? The widows you say? Hmmm, intriguing intrigue, in a vaguely intriguing way. We don't find out who the widows are though, because he runs out of the room in that patented 'kid who doesn't have any lines left in the scene so he has to get out of the way quickly because he can't be trusted not to fuck up the scene in the background' way that child actors have.

Vicky W

Then Vicky W, because she is apparently an imbecile, changes her mind and decides to stick around. Which is lucky, because without her expository voiceovers this show would be fucked.

And there you have the events of the first 5 episodes of Dark Shadows. I hope I managed to get across just how awesome and thrill packed the show is, and I hope you will join me for future episodes. Until next time then, au revoir.