Last time...er... a dude called Jean-Paul, having gone a bit mad following the death of his pregnant wife, is convinced by a talking painting of Bill Compton to release his ancestor Jacques from the grave, in exchange for which his wife will be returned to him.
Heading into the family crypt (he has a family crypt) he opened said ancestors coffin to find a voodoo doll with a stake through it's heart; or something; which he removed and things got weird and then Jacques was there except it was really Jean-Paul except... I think this means he's possessed by his ancestor, but don't quote me.
His servants, Raxl and Quito (who are voodoo worshipers, and possibly immortal), are not best chuffed about all this, and one supposes that his dead wifes sister, Dr Allison Carr, and her potential love interest, Dan Forrest, who also happens to be Jean-Paul's business partner, won't be happy either when they arrive, which they would have done already but they got stranded by a storm and decided to get drunk and have wild sex instead. Possibly.
And that recap is really fucking long isn't it? This show is mad. Anyway, time for episode two, which you can watch here, should you so desire. And may God preserve you if you do.
We open were we left off. Raxl and Quito are trying to get the doll and pin from Jean-Paul; if it really is Jean-Paul; but he's having none of it and wanders off. Moody twat.
When he emerges from the dungeon he's now dressed in ye olde times clothes and ranting about being free, so yeah, definitely a possession/body share thing. He's debating what to do about the voodoo doll that kept him imprisoned. And talking to it.
Raxl decides that she and Quito absolutely must get the doll and pin back, and rushes off. Her big plan? Knocking on Jean-Pauls door and asking politely. He says no, in case you were wondering, and she wanders dejectedly away to the tune of The Littlest Hobo. Maybe.
Next up we're with Doc Carr, still in her tropical nightclub; looking at a bit of a loss, when who should approach her but... actually, I don't know.
Let's see... Nah, we don't find out. She's an old friend of Forrest though, so LOVE TRIANGLE ALERT!!
Back at the house, Raxl is staring at the portrait of Bill Compton again and looking cheesed off. Well you would, wouldn't you, if you thought your boss was about to sell your soul to the devil? She starts ranting about the doll again, and she and Quito head off to get a boat to search the island because... I'm sorry, this makes no fucking sense. She knows Jean-Paul/Jacques had it, and she knows he hasn't left the house, so how the hell could he have hidden it anywhere outside? Moving on.
If you like really slow and pointless scenes where someone wanders around and looks at ornaments before pouring himself a drink, the next scene is one for you. If not... moving on, again.
Raxl and Quinto are back. Quick work there. Raxl storms over to the portrait of Bill Compton and speechifies at it for a bit then they head upstairs. Possibly to bed? Who knows? Are they, like, a couple? No fucking clue. He's sticking pretty close though; personal space must not have been invented yet.
|Back it up fella. And watch that hand!|
|He's not very good at it.|
Jacques is still wandering the house with the doll. He's made his way back to the crypt.
Where he started the episode. That's 10 minutes I'll never get back.
The artist; his name is Tim; starts going on about his dear old mum who wasted away from a terminal illness. Cheery. He borrowed a shitload for medical bills from a loan shark and... hello, chunky dude at the bar. I predict it's a scam and these two are in it together. You just wait!
For some reason I don't quite understand, up at the house it's Jean-Paul, rather than Jacques, who is now wandering around the crypt. Which means we don't have to listen to him talking to his doll anymore.
|STOP LOOKING AT THE CAMERA YOU CRETIN!|
Suddenly Quito is there. So...he didn't go to bed? Jean-Paul orders him off to get more dry ice to pack in the coffin, cos that'll work, yes it will, shut up. I reckon the doll is in that coffin too, but we aren't supposed to know that, so keep it under your hat.
Down at the club Tim is being accosted by chunky dude. Doc Carr wants to help, but mysterious lady from earlier has suddenly reappeared and is holding her back. 'Maybe there is one way you can help', says mysterious lady...cue Doc Carr promising to get filthy rich Jean-Paul to commission a painting from Tim. Yeah, definitely a scam.
Up at the house Jean-Paul is off to bed and Raxl and Quinto are down in the crypt talking, again, about the doll. Raxl instructs Quinto to 'open the secret doors to the catacombs.' See if you can spot these super secret doors.
I know right? Practically invisible. Cracking builders they had in. Anyway, Quinto opens the super secret doors and off they head, as Raxl puts it, 'back...to the past.' It's catchy, but it's not quite there, as catchphrases go.
And that's episode two of Strange Paradise. I'm curious, I have to admit, as to where it's going. Although I could do without anyone else proclaiming things in their best 'dramatic' voice to a fucking painting.
Oh, and the big TO BE CONTINUED sign hovers over the dead wifes coffin. That doll is definitely in there, I'd bet your last quid on it.
I'll be back on the weird island of doom next Thursday with episode three. You're welcome to join me.