Monday, 2 December 2013

Dark Shadows Episode 26

Howdy, Shadow Babies! (That's what I'm calling you now. Get over it.)

When last we left the denizens of Collinsport, way back in August (I am so very very bad at this) the ever lovely Vicky W had just discovered evidence that Devil Child David was responsible for trying to kill his Dad. It may have been too late though, because said Dad has stormed off in a mad huff and it's my working theory; based on in depth analysis of all the existing evidence, shut up; that he's gone to murderise the guy he thinks was responsible. Namely Burke Devlin, aka Burke of the Chin. 

I don't know about you lot, but I'm keen to see where this takes us, so let's dive right in to Dark Shadows episode 26.

We begin, of course, with an expository voiceover from Vicky W.

My name is Victoria Winters. I have come to Collinwood to unlock the echoes of my past, but the tensions of the present seem almost to obscure my search; tensions that fill the dark corridors, that wait in musty corners, and murmour behind the doors of unused rooms.

Not bad, not bad at all. The writer's been practising.

Anyway, the camera veeeeeeeerrrrry slowly travels down a corridor, and alights on a door, the knob of which veeeeeeeeeerrrrrry slowly turns, and the door veeeeeeeerrrrry slowly creaks open to reveal... Devil Child David. Pfft. PFFT I SAY! Anticlimaxpalooza. It's ok though, because he's immediately waylaid by Vicky W. I wonder what she wants.

Turns out she's confronting him about trying to kill his Dad. She's not messing about with this little bit of information, she's straight in for the kill. He tries to pretend he doesn't know what she's talking about but when she presents the evidence to his face; in that awkward way they have on this show of holding things out at arms length so the camera can see it without them having to cut and put a close up in, because who has time for editing, right? Fucking amateurs, that's who!; he gets a look on his face that I think is meant to be shock, but I'm not convinced.

And that's our pre credit teaser. None of this 20 minute cold opens like what we does have today.

We come back exactly where we left off. Devil Child David is just cold fronting it out, telling Vicky she's, like, totally lying about finding the evidence in his room. Then when she declares that she's off to tell his Aunt, aka the Lady of the Manor, he...

Fucking HELL, he goes totally batshit! He's grabbing at her and trying to get little doodad off her, she's screaming that he's hurting her, she tries to hide in her room but he forces his way in, they wrestle some more... eventually Vicky manages to lock the doodad in her dresser then trick him into leaving the room long enough to lock the door, and we leave them with him punching and kicking the door, screaming about how she's a liar. Credit where it's due, he's a scary little fucker in this scene.

We cut to Constable Awesome at the police station, which means that as good as that first scene was, the episode is just getting better from here. I mean, Constable Awesome in the house!

Awesome is soon joined by Roger Collins, so I suppose he hasn't gone to murderise Burke after all; perhaps that's his next port of call. We then get this exchange;

Awesome: Hello Mr Collins, I've been waiting for you.

Roger: Are you clairvoyant, Carter? (He's confused, calling AWESOME Carter, I ask you)

Awesome: Nope, I just figured that after I told you I hadn't made any arrests yet, you'd come storming in here. Have a seat.

Ah, Awesome. Your every conversation with Roger seems to just be you pointing out how ridiculous Rogers behaviour is. You give not a single shit, and I love you for it.

Roger goes off on one, before Awesome stops him to ask if he would like some coffee. Roger continues his tirade until Awesome stops him again to, I shit you not, ring in his lunch order. I'm in genuine hysterics and I'm not sure but I think the guy playing Roger is struggling not to corpse. Awesome is awesome!

We pay a (very) brief visit back to the house to find that Vicky

trapped :(
is still locked in her room and David is cementing his rep as a scary little fucker by just standing outside her door, not responding to any of her calls, in the hopes of tricking her into thinking he's gone. She shouts out to him that he'd better calm down, because his father will be home soon.

But Vicky W, you are wrong, because we go straight back to the police station and Roger is still there! Someone else will need to come to your rescue. And someone had better had, cos if that Devil Child lays a hand on my Vicky W I'll be very not pleased!


Constable Awesome returns; he's been out to collect his lunch! brilliant!; and straight away Roger is on at him again. Arrest Burke Devlin, Burke Devlin tried to kill me, why haven't you done anything about Burke Devlin? He's like a broken record this guy! Only this time he has an ace up his sleeve...

Roger: Our family has lived in this town for almost 300 years. We built Collinsport. Half the jobs here come from our cannery and fishing fleet. And when we elect a man for sheriff we expect him to be able to do a little more than fix traffic lights. (I think he was supposed to say traffic tickets there, but who knows)... So don't sit back there and tell me about evidence. Find some way to get Devlin behind bars or... the next time you're up for election, the town may think that you've been around long enough to deserve a rest.

smug tit
Awesome, who has spent the entirety of Rogers little speech eating his sandwich, responds by saying 'Fuck you mate, and the fishing boat you sailed in on.' If the job is bought and paid for he doesn't want it and they can appoint who they like at the next election, but while he has the job, it'll be done by the book. While he explains this to Roger, Roger does his best to disappear into his seat. I'll say it again, I love you Constable Awesome.

'And another thing, you look like a muppet!'
Roger isn't totally out for the count. He wants Awesome to search Devlin's room, for the doodad. Awesome knows it would be pointless, though;

Awesome: Anyone who would hang onto that valve would be a fool, or a psychotic. And I don't think Burke Devlin is either.

No, but we know someone who is, don't we Shadow Babies?

Sure enough, we're back at the house. David has decided to make a run for it, rather than hanging around outside Vicky's room to murderise her, but he runs slap bang into his Aunt Elizabeth coming home. Sensing an opportunity, he tells her all about how Vicky had attacked him, and tried to drag him into her room (which conjures up unpleasant images in these less innocent times) and how she hates him and is going to make up stories to get him into trouble. Why, he wouldn't be surprised if she even tried to blame him for his Dads accident!

You've gotta hand it to him, haven't you?

Here comes Vicky! She wants to talk to Elizabeth alone. Elizabeth concurs, and ushers David out of the room. Hang on, a blind man could see where this is leading! Don't let him have free run of the house while you're talking, Vicky W! He knows where you locked the doodad!!

Over at the police station, Constable Awesome has somehow contrived to get a search warrant in record time. He knows he's gonna find nothing, but he's living in the vain hope that it'll appease Roger and he'll be able to finish his lunch in peace. No such luck. He finally manages to chase Roger out and then he makes a phone call to follow up on some inquiries he has going on in New York. You see, he is investigating Burke, he just refuses to pander to Roger.

Back at the house, Vicky W explains to Elizabeth the events we just watched 10 minutes ago. Elizabeth, because apparently she's being written as a mug this week, doesn't seem to believe her. After a phone call; hilariously, it's Roger whining to her that Awesome won't listen to him; she hears from Vicky W about the doodad she found in Davids room. Her reaction?

'You trippin' blud!'
She's having none of it, and after arguing back and forth for a bit they head upstairs to check out the evidence. Shock of shocks though, because when they get there, it's only bally well gone!! On discovering this, Elizabeth gives Vicky W a look of pure hatred and disdain, like 'how dare you lie to me, peasant girl!!' and the music swells and that's a wrap.

So, what did I think of this one? The stuff up at the house was genuinely tense, at least in the first half when it was David terrorising Vicky W, and I could watch Awesome belittling Roger all day (and I suspect both actors were having the time of their lives), so this may have been my favourite episode yet. And that's without it even featuring Burke of the Chin at all, although as ever his presence is definitely felt.

I couldn't have asked for a better episode to come back on, to be honest. If they had all been like this, I never would have stopped watching.

Until next time, Shadow Babies.

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