Tuesday, 30 April 2013

Dark Shadows Episode 23

How long has it been since I watched an episode of Dark Shadows? Seems like forever. I've just had to re-read my last couple of posts to remind myself of what is going on, in this little town called Collinsport that we all love so well. *Ahem* Anyway...

So, Creepy Uncle Roger is convinced that Burke of the Chin tried to kill him, when really it was his own son, Devil Child David; A local Constable is on his way up to the house to ask a few questions; Vicky W is convinced that the truth about her past is somehow tied up with the Collins family, on account of Burkes private eye asking some awkward questions; Burke has called in some kind of back-up to help him in whatever it is he's actually doing; and Sam the Riddler has accepted a commission to paint Burkes portrait.

You'll notice that Burke of the Chin is pretty much omnipresent. This is as it should be.

Join me now as I jump headfirst back into the show with episode 23. Watch it here, if you'd like.

Let's see what words of poetic wisdom Vicky W has for us, in her now traditional opening voiceover;

My name is Victoria Winters. On the surface, the day at Collinwood seems calm and serene; nothing could be more normal than my preparing to teach a young boy his school lessons, yet there is an undercurrent; a tension that is felt everywhere; a tension that reaches out, and builds, and waits to break free...

She can be a bit melodramatic at times, can Vicky W. It's why we love her.

Anyway, the Constable has arrived for his little chat with Creepy Uncle Roger! It's about time; he rang the house about three episodes ago. Roger wastes no time in spouting his theory that his accident wasn't; an accident that is. Will the 5-0 think he trippin'? We'll see.

The Constable
Rogers sis, Elizabeth, aka Lady of the Manor, pops her head in for a couple of minutes to tell him, and remind us, about what's been going on with Vicky W and the guy asking questions. His response is, literally and in so many words, "I can't be bothered with this." Compassion, thy name is Creepy Uncle Roger.

I like this Constable fella, mind. As soon as Roger starts in on his theory he knows straight away that he's going to blame Burke. No flies on this dude. We'll have to wait and see what happens here; I can't believe the writer is going to allow a reasonable and intelligent character to stay that way for long.

Anyway, up in his room, Devil Child David The Daddy Killer is having his lessons; you know, just like Vicky W talked about at the top of the show. Well, I say he's getting his lessons; what he's actually doing is reading aloud from a book while Vicky looks on with a slightly vacant look in her eye. When he finishes, she tells him that he reads well, then immediately tries to move on to another subject. Of course he reads well, he's about 12, I'd be worried if he couldn't read! Now discuss the book with him! Strip it of it's life by over analysing every single line to the point that it begins to lose all meaning. That's what we did when I read books at school.

David starts to quiz her about whether she's ever tried to kill someone, and what does she think would have been her punishment if she had? He's really not being subtle, and it's not even the first time he's had this conversation, with her and others, so it's a bit shocking that no-one has figured out that he's shitting his pants over the fact that he was the one who tried to kill Roger. Ah well, we've got the Constable now, he'll figure it all out. Right?

Will no-one notice my torment?

Downstairs, said Constable is getting the facts from Roger and Elizabeth. Gotta say, I love this guy! Roger is telling him what happened and he just drops in;

"Was my phone out of order?"

all casual like, and then when Roger is all confused he gives him a right old telling off. Roger should have called him immediately instead of waiting 12 hours and he shouldn't have gone to see Burke because;

"Well that's just great. Nothing like giving a suspected criminal a little advance notice."

Why did I call this man? Whyyyy?
Seriously, the guy is brill. I want him to be in every episode ever from now on. He demands to speak to Vicky W and when Elizabeth goes up to get her, David freaks out about the police being in the house. No-one notices of course, because they aren't Constable Awesome.

The next scene has Roger constantly interrupting Vicky W as she tells her tale to Constable Awesome, and Constable Awesome verbally bitch slapping him for it. Roger is thinking twice about getting this guy involved, I can promise you that.

As the scene unfolds Constable Awesome lays out all the reasons why it's possible Burke of the Chin wasn't guilty, and how he's damn well gonna investigate properly before he jumps to any conclusions. Fuck yeah!! But wait, who should be outside the door, eavesdropping on their every utterance? Why, it's Devil Child David! Looking none too happy with what he's just heard.


Although to be fair, staring into the camera with a crazed look in his eye is how this kid plays asking for extra milk on his cereal, so maybe he's not bothered at all. Maybe he's thinking about puppies.

Anyway... Constable Awesome decides to check out the garage where the sabotage took place, and he takes Vicky W and Creepy Roger with him. Elizabeth stays behind though, because, well, someone has to call out the Devil Child on his ridiculous hiding in the same spot he always hides in. Seriously, pick another spot now and then little dude.

David asks Elizabeth about fingerprints and whether someone might go to prison if, say, their prints were on the wrench that done did the sabotage. And still she doesn't cotton on. How dense are these people?

Before too long, the intrepid investigators return, and Constable Awesome, because he is the only human character in the scene, starts talking to David in a friendly and natural manner. Like a kindly uncle or somesuch. Roger just hurls abuse at David, as is his fatherly duty.

Constable Awesome has the wrench in his hands, wrapped in a handkerchief for safe keeping, because he's a stickler for forensic procedure, but when he gets a phone call he drops the wrench on the table, right in front of David. While he takes the call, the other characters all move into positions and studiously look anywhere but at the wrench. Is this David's chance?

What's he thinking? I'll give you three guesses.
Yep, he tries to reach for it, presumably to wipe it clean with the conveniently placed handkerchief, fingerprints for the removal of. But what's this?!? Vicky W catches him at it and stops him. Of course, she just thinks he's being a nosy kid and thinks no more of it. I'll say it again; dense.

Thwarted in his first attempt to pervert the course of justice; or is that the cause of justice, I'm not sure now, but you know what I mean; David comes up with an new strategy;

 He knocks the wrench onto the floor and bends down to pick it up.

Roger hells at him for being stupid.

 Constable Awesome says it's ok because he wasn't to know.

 Roger wails that David will have put his fingerprints all over it now.

And David looks smug as.

Or he would, you assume, if he could express emotion. Instead he just stares into the distance with a blank expression on his face. But you know he's feeling pretty smug on the inside.

That's the episode. We get a brilliant new character, Vicky W looks pretty if nothing else, Elizabeth fluffs at least one line in every scene and Devil Child David proves once again that he is a criminal genius. If a whiny one.

At least now that Constable Awesome is on the case we might get a bit of proper plot momentum in the coming episodes. I say we might... we won't. But it's nice to dream.

Join me next time when we'll see Sam the Riddler berate his daughter, Burke of the Chin looking smug, and Constable Awesome solve the Jack the Ripper killings. Possibly.

Until then, peace.

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