Dark Shadows Episode 25

It's the quarter century! I can't quite believe it's taken me this long, but I'm finally here, at episode 25 of Dark Shadows. To mark this very special occasion, I'm just going to leave this here...

That's right, every single episode of Dark Shadows opens on a looooong shot of the production slate, often propped against a chair or something with people moving around in the background, and then some dude reads it out. It's awesome!

Anyway, to the episode. We begin, as is ever the way, with an opening narration from the delectable Vicky W.

My name is Victoria Winters. The tension at Collinwood had almost made me forget the purpose for which I had come, but now a letter has arrived; a letter that once again has raised the spectre of my past, a letter that intrudes upon the present and heightens the growing fears of a nine year old boy...

Bloody Hell! That letter! I'd forgotten about that! When did we last hear about that? Ages ago, that's when! Although it's probably only been about half an hour in story time, because these lads believe in taking their time. Anyway, Devil Child David is apparently being a bit paranoid about this letter, although I don't really see why, but whatever, and he sneaks into Vicky W's room to read it. He doesn't get the chance though, since Roger barges in, snatches the letter from him and beats him senseless. Cue titles.

Alright, he doesn't beat him senseless, but you can see in his eyes that he really really wants to. Roger really fucking hates his Son. Instead, because this was going out at lunchtime, he just chases him out of the room and down the corridor. And almost bumps into the camera. Then cue titles.

Is it me, or is the title card lopsided?

We come back on David trying to lock his door but he's too late and in barges Roger to give him a stern talking to about tampering with the mail. It's an important lesson for all children to learn but he's interrupted by David whining that he thought the letter was about him because it was from an orphanage and he knows his Dad wants to send him away, so...

This is actually pretty sound logic by 10 year old standards, but Roger calms him down by telling him that... if he doesn't start behaving himself he'll have no option but to send him away. Roger Collins: SuperDad!

Roger gets tired of dealing with Devil Child Davids shit and storms off so we head downstairs for a conversation between Lady of the Manor Elizabeth and, and, it's Vicky W!! Seems like forever that she had anything to do other than the opening monologue, so let's enjoy it while it lasts.

Which is all of two minutes. Bugger! But what a two minutes! She reckons, right, and you won't believe this, but she reckons that David might have been the one who tried to kill Roger!! VICKY W FIGURES IT OUT!!

Vicky W. SuperSleuth

Shame Elizabeth doesn't believe her. Oh well.

Roger comes downstairs and Vicky is shooed out of the room with instructions to keep her possessions under lock and key in future, because after all, leaving your letters on your desk, in your private room, is just asking for trouble, am I right? Once Vicky is gone, Roger makes a smug crack about Elizabeth having a knack of 'managing people.' She retorts with, 'I hope I can do as well with you.'

Upstairs, Vicky W tries to teach Devil Child David some history but he's being a little shit so, seemingly purely to spite him, she starts interrogating him. About how he's the only one responsible for his own troubles, about why he's always talking about going to jail, and most of all, about how he 'learns a lot from those magazines he likes so much.' At this point I was worried the scene was about to take a disturbing turn, but it turns out she meant these magazines...

What do you reckon he's got tucked inside there? Eh? You know what I'm saying.

So, yeah. She's a smart cookie, is Vicky W. When the writer remembers. The scene ends with him screaming that he had nothing to do with his Dad's car and her replying with the God awful over used line, 'I don't remember accusing you.' Shame on you Vicky W! Very unoriginal! But also, Yeah! Nail the little shit!

Meanwhile, the nobs are downstairs arguing over what to do about Vicky's letter. Roger wants to set the police onto the private eye who was digging into Vicky's past, because it proves that Burke, who hired said PI, is up to something. He has a point. Elizabeth, on the other hand, doesn't want the police anywhere near the situation, because they might do a better job than he did of digging up whatever ties Vicky has to the Collins family. I must say, I'm quite eager to find out myself. As is Roger, who is as in the dark on all this as we are. For her part, Elizabeth looks sick of talking about it.

Not having a good time

But wait, now she's telling him the story that she's feeding Vicky, and tells him that if he doesn't back her up, and lie through his teeth to poor Vicky W, he can pack his bags and get out of her house. Calm down love, where's all this aggression coming from? She needs MathewMichaelMark to come and give her a foot rub, that'll sort her out.

Upstairs Vicky W and David are continuing their nice little chat about him being a scheming little protopatricidist but he turns it around by apologisng for not believing her about the contents of the letter. And if he believes her, then she has to believe him, right? Because he doesn't tell lies, honest he doesn't! Yeah right, tell it to the judge.

Roger comes up to take Vicky W off for a chat and once again the writer seems to have forgotten how these characters work because Roger is quite nice and affectionate to Devil Child David, when we all know he really wants to beat him bloody and sell him to the circus. Once the adults are gone, David proves himself to be a slimy wanknugget by heading straight to her room and going through her drawers. And not to sniff her undercrackers, no, it's all about the letter.

Not sure that's what a 10 year old boy would be fixating on in that drawer

Which he finds. And then presumably reads, although we don't see that part because we head downstairs with Roger and Vicky. Elizabeth has disappeared, God knows where to.

Roger begins to casually bring up the letter and try to reinforce the lies that Elizabeth has been feeding Vicky when... hold the phone! She remembers when she first arrived, and she questioned him about all of this shit and he said he knew nothing about it. It was a casual conversation, before he knew it mattered, and he's forgotten the whole thing but she hasn't so she knows he's contradicting himself left and right now. Nail him, Vicky! Pummel him!

No, hang on, he's talking his way out of it. Bugger. Look at her face, she's falling for it!!! No, Vicky W, you're smarter than this!!

DON'T BELIEVE HIM!!!

His smarmy answer for everything doesn't last long, because he gets a phone call from CONSTABLE AWESOME, telling him about the interview he conducted with Burke of the Chin in the last episode. Roger is incensed that Awesome didn't arrest Burke and rushes from the room with a crazed look on his face. Oo-er! I think probably the charm had lasted long enough to at least partially convince Vicky though.

She heads upstairs, only to find that the letter has gone! Straight away she realises it must have been David who took it and she heads to his room to get it back. David isn't there so she decides to return the favour he had done her earlier in the ep, and have a rummage around in his drawers. She doesn't find her letter, indeed for a long time she doesn't find anything of note, until finally...

Oooooooh Shit!

It's the part from Roger's car! Devil Child David is for it now!

Is Roger on his way to the hotel to murder Burke for the crime David committed? Is David about to be exposed as the murderous little goblin that he is? And just where did Elizabeth disappear to?

All of these questions and many more, will be answered about 10 episodes from now. Come back soon though, and we can watch some other characters do some different stuff. It'll be grand!